Do you have a dong?

Lyrics:
“So apparently, you can identify as anything now...
Cool.
Well, I identify as confused as f***
and mildly offended by myself.”

La la la la la la la la (and more)
Grew up on “blue is boys” and “pink is for girls,”
Now it’s glitter, neon, and gender-swapped worlds.
Tried to fill a form
Christ, what a fright 
Thirty-fu**ing’ two boxes and not one felt right

Tick the box... yeah? Which fuckin’ one, mate?

He/him? She/her? They/them? What now?
I’m lagging worse than mum’s old Sky box.

Do you have a dong or no dong?
A willy, a fairy, or f**k it — are you just strong?
Not tryna pry, just wanna suss,
Before I flirt and get decked on the bus.
Call me thick, old school, blind
But love, I just wanna know what bits you’ve got in mind.

They say gender’s a spectrum, like Dulux paint,
Fifty new shades, not one called “straight.”
You’re cis, I’m trans, she’s fluid, he’s queer —
I just came for a pint and a bag of....... errrrrrr.. you know.
"Nan asked, ‘What’s pan?’ — I said, ‘Not for cookin’, love, it’s somethin’ else now… bit more sexual, less casserole"
Now she’s poorly as f**k and confused too.

[Pre-Chorus]
I’m not trying to mock, I’m just f**kin’ lost,
Like sushi in Stoke or weed with no high.

Do you have a dong or no dong?
A trouser snake or a sparkly thong?
Not bein’ rude, just tryna not choke
On pronouns and vibes and gendered bloke jokes.
No hate I’m just tryna rewind,
And figure out what the f**k you’ve got in mind.

I’ve watched the TikToks, I’ve done my best,
Sat through ten TED Talks and a drag queen fest.
But I still freeze up when I don’t get it right,
Cos the internet bites harder than a gremlin at night.
I’ll love who you are, badge or not —
But please don’t scream when I ask what you got.

Do you have a dong or no dong?
A secret wand or a Barbie schlong?
I’m cool with you, just gimme a clue,
So I don’t say “bro” and get sued by you.
The world’s moved on 
I’m laggin’ behind,
But I’m still politely askin’ — what the f**k’s in your mind?

I’ll keep on guessin’, I’ll get it wrong,
Still learnin’ the bloody pronoun sh*t.
And maybe one day I’ll nail that twist —
But till then, love —
Do you p*ss standin’ or do you sit sit?

Author: Stevza

I create fictional characters and give them a voice