I can’t afford this

Lyrics: La la la la la (plus more)
Put the heating on yeah, just for a tick
Now I owe British Gas three kidneys and a t*t
Tesco meal deal’s four ninety-five?!
Mate I’ll just eat the fucking packaging 
(That's free right?)

Rent went up again like it’s levelling up
My landlord just bought a yacht 
with my top-up
I Googled "how to get rich overnight" 
Step one: be born into money (No sh*t Sherlock F*ck sake)

I can’t afford this, not even a tad! 
My bank account’s a crime scene, mate it’s that bad
I breathe and get charged, just for the thrill
Twenty standing fee to just sit still

I can’t afford this 
I’m living on toast! 
Used to be broke
now sub letting my house 
to an illegal
Might sell a kidney
Or just move into the bins round the back of Lidl

(More la la’s)
Electric bill looks like a SIM card PIN
My smart meter’s laughing 
proper evil grin
Aldi’s meant to be budget, yeah?
Came out with air, regret, and one carrot 
(Hello Kevin you fucking knob)

Council tax? Water bill? Annual “fuck-you” fee?
It’s cheaper to fake your death and live in a tree
Tried to move back in with Mum she said “Grow up”
Now I live in her shed, next to Dave the hedgehog and a mug of dead slugs

One day, I’ll own a home
(In Monopoly)
I dream of toast,
With butter not that spreadable shame
Lurpak? In this economy? You mad? (plus they stop the cows from farting you know that right?)

I can’t afford this
it’s bloody absurd! 
Two OT (over top) for milk? You must be on that crack
The rich are in Dubai, the rest of us freeze
While I pay twelve pound just to cough and sneeze

I can’t afford this, I’ve sold all me stuff! 
Fixed a crack in the window for eighty pound rough
Put there by weather, which apparently costs 
It’s just wind now, and I’m bankrupt, boss

I’d cry,
But tissues are one ninety-nine now
Plus tax

I should start an OnlyFans
Anyone want feet pics?
Limited time offer 2 for a tenner

Author: Stevza

I create fictional characters and give them a voice